Punch yourself in the talk-too-much

My dear beloved readers (he optimistically began), I bring to you a message very close to my heart. It is one that I have needed to share for years, craved to share and known I should share. So here I share my message with you, chosen readers of online opinions. The message is simply,

SHUT UP MORE OFTEN!

No. Stop. Don't swivel your desk chair to tell your friend what I said. Just shut up. Shh. No, don't get all offended and upset with me. That's so adolescent. Open your mind. Think about it.

Babbling on like the token idiot in an american teen movie won't actually help you to achieve anything. It just won't, and that's the truth. Rather go out and find someone you have never spoken to and ask simple questions. Find out as much as you can from that person. Then move on to person number two.

"Why the hell should I?"

Well, if you happen to be any kind of performer or artist, it is a good idea to learn as much as you can about everything around you. Be a student of the world. Learn something new every hour. Make it your challenge. Make it your new infection. Your new obsession. If you're not a performer or an artist, do precisely the same thing. Each hour, teach yourself something new, or allow others to take up the chalk. The reason it's important for you is that you will begin to become a human being actively involved in the world around you. You will uncover secrets, truths, hidden paths and find that your prejudices are misplaced. There are so many more advantages than just these, and each one is just as important as the last.

The world's beautiful complexity is hidden only by your own shadow

Your senses will come alive, and as an added bonus, you'll actively be reducing your chances of contracting Alzheimer's syndrome. Winning all round on this one, my loves!

You all suck.

You do. You're rubbish. None of you have got ANY gumption. Yeah I said that. Gumption. What is gumption? GO FIND OUT! Google the motherfucker! Wheezing gob shites. You all probably smell. I don't mean smell, like you haven't bathed today... I mean the pungent ass clot of a fucking guinea pig.

Now that I've got your attention, I'm quite clearly back - equally clearly, i have a chip on my shoulder, but before I drop trou and dump it all down your necks, I'd like to take back the above abuse. It was just to get you to sit the hell up and listen, instead of skim reading and flicking your belly lint at the screen. I'm cross about a couple of issues.

Firstly, I'm miffed about the cough I've had for awhile now. I get it, okay? I had the goddamn flu. BUT I KILLED IT. Did I? No. It's little finger keeps twitching, regardless of the fact that i hacked it apart with a fucking switchblade. No. It remains in the back of my throat, tickling my goddamn uvula and giggling itself into a state of hysteria when i cough so hard i puke.

PISSED OFF!

Alright, topic two is for you little mini cock wankers out there with two pubes and a mommy complex.  WHO THE SHIT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MAKING THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE FEEL WORTHLESS????? You are a fucking WASTE of life. Just because your mommy dearest didn't fucking make you a birthday cake, or she beat you till you were nearly dead, you have the right to emotionally abuse every lady you know??? "Muurrhhhrhrrr! Mommy BEAT me!" Nobodycaresyoupussy! MAN UP! If that shit really upset you that much, you'd see a freakin' shrink and sort your shit out. What you are currently doing is WEAK.

Okay I'm done.